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Riding Fixed, Up Mountains, with Pros – Episode II: Malibu pt. 2 - Cookie Date

Welcome back to our Malibu climb with pro cyclist Phil Gaimon, and State Bicycle's own leg model Scott Piercefield. These guys have been making it look easy, and they must be hungry.

 

The surprise was nearly spoiled because we almost lost Phil to this very exclusive music video shoot.

"You need any skinny, white guys?!"

What is it that has Phil smiling so? It's not the break from climbing exactly.

Wait for it... 

Cookie date!

Private dining for two, mountainside view, five-course dessert – we spare no expense for Mr. Gaimon. Well, actually the 1st course centerpiece cookies were purchased at the dollar store, but the intention was not monetary savings. Our main man, Venice Beach emissary, Cody Chouinard means it when he takes them through the courses "from mild to wild." You gotta start somewhere 'cause this is gonna escalate quickly.

Somebody once told me that milk is the best recovery drink. Scott doesn't wait to recover. It goes in the bottle with him on the ride. But don't be bashful with it, Cody. Fill 'er up, please.

As you must expect, Phil is quite the cookie aficionado and hard to please at that. The 2nd course is a Whole Foods' Vegan Chocolate Chip Cookie. It's a tough sell, but he's sort of impressed. His commentary, as you have hopefully already witnessed, makes it difficult to keep quiet on set. I certainly have less composure than you see Mehdi here politely walking off set.

Graceful on and off the bike, Phil impresses with his dunking elegance.

Get ahold of yourself, Scott. Take a lesson.

"I didn't think I was lactose intolerant and then I stopped drinking milk. And I realized like, man I haven't farted in months. So I started drinking milk again 'cause I missed farting." -Phil Gaimon

3rd Course – Cookie Crisp

"That's enough, that's good. Like I'm gonna eat the whole bowl."

I remember the Cookie Crisp commercials in the 90s pretty well – something like a masked burglar and his dog posting up with binoculars outside of the house of some unassuming child enjoying his breakfast before school, and they swoop in savagely to rip him off. I thought, damn that cereal has gotta be so effin' good to compel someone in committing both breaking-and-entering and grand larceny in one fell swoop. I still to this day have never tried it because my Mom too saw the commercials, deemed it junk food and "bad kids cereal," the latter because you apparently might commit a felony to get your hands on that sweet ambrosia.

Turns out it tastes this bad.

Don't get your chamois in a bunch though, Phil!

Enter 4th course

What do we have here? Premier selections from Hatchet Hall:

  • Chocolate Chip w/ Sea Salt Cookie (Phil's favorite just in case you were wondering)
  • Coconut Macaroon
  • Double Fudge Brownie
  • Shortbread Jam Cookie

But wait, there's more. The 5th course is a heavy hitter presented by Cookie Good. Just take a look at this S'mores Cookie.

"Alright I need to be alone for like five minutes with this."

Cody did an exceptional job preparing and curating what turned out to be the most romantic meal Phil's had in a very long time, his own words. The specifics of each course were actually a surprise to us too, and here you see the unveiling of the grand finale.

One of Cookie Good's bravest and boldest, behold the Cheetos Cookie. 

"This is offensive."

"I want a Chipotle Cookie now. I want a Steak Cookie."

Scott: "So you're gonna be farting today."

Phil: "You're not gonna be behind me anyway. We're going downhill. You're gonna drop me, no problem."

Scott: "Can you say that again?"

This is the part where we strap the minivan hood with Saxon's camera and I drive a following distance of about a bike length. #anythingfortheshot

I should attempt some stills at the wheel, see if I can make our director and producer even more anxious? I shouldn't, so while we wait for a couple extra arms to grow, here are some handsome photos for your locker.

After the descent, we assess the climb and figure these guys didn't work hard enough. Phil takes us through some hills off of Mulholland Dr. so we can get a little more tomfoolery out of them.

In Saxon's editing brilliance, you would probably never know we shot these scenes at the end of the day. Full disclosure is what you deserve and damnit, that's what we'll give you! 

By the rare chance you missed the uncanny sarcasm in Phil's intimate pet talk on his deceased turtle, he does not wear the shell, he did not make turtle soup, and he's not suffering from Turtle Depression.

Scott: "I noticed you have a lot of KOMs around here. Do you have this segment?"

Phil: "Yes I have this segment. I'm not scared of you. You don't even have gears."

Phil: "HE'S ON THE CAR, I'M FLAGGING THAT! I'M FLAGGING IT HE'S ON THE CAR!"

Scott: "I'll take it!"

Scott: "What's your time on this thing?"

Phil: "Like I was already done."

Something didn't go to plan on the way up and Saxon is furious.

"The jokes weren't funny enough. I told you to ride as fast as jet skis."

I chime in and tell him they probably rode as fast as jet skis.

"Well it wasn't fast enough!"

He's really digging into Phil here and has all these suggestions on how to ride faster and joke funnier. It's been a long day, and we know that he's stressed to get enough footage in time, but we're all equally blank-faced.

Did I get you AGAIN? No angry director here. He's got a game plan for one more pass, and he's got The Force. #jedichic

As the boys near the end of the ride, Scott extends a very bromantic gesture.

He can play tough, but Phil is smitten.

It's even his color!

Scott: "I think I finally grew up."

Phil: "Good luck in your weird fixie things."

Thanks to Phil Gaimon and Cody Chouinard for making this happen and entertaining us so.

We end the day where we started, back at Pedaler's Fork for an almighty dinner. Their food is as good as they say it is!

Just a note to end on, we're looking for a solid poll on Saxon's haircut. Please do take a few seconds to comment "cut it" or "keep it" and help a friend and colleague in suffering need [of jedi braid removal].

Thanks for coming along and we'll see you next time for Episode 3 with two very special guests!